Regarding the TSA

Today’s post is a guest-submission from an anonymous friend (You can tell I didn’t write it because it mentions having small boobs, and mine are ample.) Anyway, I added the images so if they offend you.. good. -Spaz.

I will take off my shoes and jacket. I will empty my pockets of spare change. I will limit my liquid packing of shampoo, conditioner, hair gel, contact solution, and eye drops to what fits inside a quart sized plastic bag. I will allow my personal possessions to be x-rayed, my ticket and i.d. to be checked and double checked, and my bag to be physically examined if something is deemed questionable. In the past six years, I’ve had rolls of film, holiday ornaments, a snow globe, and a roll of duct tape all get examined…and all were deemed fine to pass through and zipped back up in my bag. Why? Because common sense, that’s why. The security people had no reason at all to believe that I posed any kind of danger, and I don’t. Yet I’m still okay with a reasonable security procedure and reasonable bag searches done in a respectable manner because that all makes sense. Touching my junk doesn’t.

You can touch my stuff, but you can’t touch my junk.

If you touch my junk, I will have you arrested. Why? Because it’s illegal EVERYWHERE, that’s why. My breasts shouldn’t be a threat. They’re small and took a long time to come in, just by the way, so I’m extra protective of who gets to touch them. Unless you’re my husband or my gynecologist, no one gets close to feeling my crotch. The only thing you’re going to find north of my inner thighs are normal female parts and a police report. That’s right, it’s not okay to touch me there. That’s called a bad touch, ladies and gentlemen. At least that’s what we’re supposed to be teaching our children. By TSA standards, it’s okay to do a “modified pat down” on children under the age of twelve. There is no exact definition from the TSA of what this is, but any way you word it is BAD TOUCH. Most states also call it a felony, and then you are obligated to sign yourself up for the sexual predator registry. Let’s put all that aside for a moment and think about what we may be teaching our children by allowing them to bear witness to this abuse of power.

“Let’s play airport, Sally.”
“Okay, Joey, I get to be the pilot!”
“Alright, but I work for the TSA. You can’t fly your plane unless I touch you at security.”

Children are sponges. Let’s not teach them that bad touches are okay.

It’s an extra bad touch if you grope a child. Unless you’re examining a child for medical reasons or helping them maintain physical hygiene, you don’t get to touch a child’s penis, vagina, or rectum….not even when they are clothed. The entire area of someone’s crotch is off-limits when they’re under the age of 18, and after that you still need their permission. At best it’s sexual misconduct and, at most, sexual assault (as far as I know when people are still clothed). Either way, they’re both illegal and punishable offenses everywhere, and everywhere should include airports. Mass public transit systems in Chicago, Boston, and NYC all publicly advertise and broadcast warnings AGAINST sexual harassment and misconduct….why aren’t our airports doing the same thing?

Full body scanners are the other option. Most people aren’t fazed by the thought of a little unnecessary radiation, but the key term here is UNNECESSARY. We don’t pay for unnecessary x-rays at the doctor’s office, we try to wear sunscreen to protect against skin cancer, and we shouldn’t be okay with any extra radiation (that goes double for people with young children, pregnant mothers, and frequent flyers). The expense is not worth the unknown long-term effects and unnecessity (yes, this is now a word). So, really, this doesn’t make them an option. It was a good test run while it lasted, but some things just don’t work. It’s okay. There are a million other things to spend all that money on, like paying down our country’s debt, bringing back the manned space program, or for a little more research to get closer to curing all the horrific forms of cancer (that would be all of them)….talk about a society who doesn’t need any unnecessary radiation.

Benjamin Franklin said, “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

I say that those who would give up essential liberty to purchase nothing except a small dose of radiation, a bad touch, and a false sense of security still deserve neither radiation nor bad touches. Just say no to a clear abuse of power. We the people deserve dignity and the ability to protect what is ours….especially our junk.

About The Author


the rotten bastard who runs this shithole and theoretically makes with the funny.

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11 2010

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