You want to know more about me?  That’s novel.  Anyway, ask me a question. You can even do so anonymously. I’ll probably answer, although I might just make some shit up.

Questions Answered

How much is eleventy-billion-Canadian-dollars in US Dollars? -Sarge

About $7.50.

If bad girls are bad and stupid girls get caught, what do good girls do?


Is that a Lotus Elan on the magazine cover? How the heck did you fit into that thing?!

Nope, it’s a Mazda Miata. While that’s not my Miata on the cover, I own one of the same vintage (1991) and drive it every day. I did replace the armrest/door handle with a leather strap for a little more hip room, but otherwise I fit just fine.

At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?


Why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hotdogs?

Because shut up, that’s why.


Because I was too busy fucking your mom to update it.

Is that Mike Haggard(sic) or the guy from Cromartie High School performing the pile driver on the great white shark?

Mike Haggar, the mayor of Metro City.

What do you think about Michael Buble being stalked by a Velociraptor? Also, how lame is it that my computer didn’t know the word “velociraptor?”
by thesenator

I hope the velociraptor gets him, and really fucking lame, respectively. My computer also does not recognize “velociraptor” and for that I may throw it into a river.

If you had an all expense paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

The I.S.S., but only if I could fly on the shuttle.

what is your favorite color?

When I was a little kid I’m told I claimed green to be my favorite color. Now I tend to go with blue.

If you could only eat one cheese for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Cabot Seriously Sharp Cheddar. That shit is good. Lesser cheeses are for pussies.

Which is is better: Riding in to battle on a Pterodactyl armed with a sling shot and explosive rounds or riding in to battle on a Brontosaurus while holding a smaller dinosaur, like a Dilophosaurus?

Excellent question! I can see you’ve done your research on dino-warfare. Personally, I would prefer to ride into battle on a Triceratops armed with incendiary grenades.

Did you vote for this man?

I have never lived in Georgia, so no. What, were you expecting some long, drawn out political diatribe? Sorry, chief.

Aunt Jemima vs. Mrs. Butterworth

I’m pretty sure Mrs. Butterworth would stomp Aunt Jemima’s pancake-makin’ ass. I mean c’mon, Mrs. Butterworth is the whole bottle, Aunt Jemima is just a picture on the label. Plus Butterworth has that suite gig doing Geico commercials. Wheres Jemima? In the kitchen making me some fucking pancakes, that’s where.

If you could invent one flavor of perogie, what would it be? Also, how do you spell purogee?

It’s Pierogies, and there is no need to invent any additional flavors, although I wish someone would stock the American Cheese variety of Mrs. T’s Pierogies in central Tennessee.
the best thing to come out of Chendo since

Do you harvest or save the Little Sisters? by thesenator

I saved ‘em. Unfortunately, I’m a “Nice Guy,” I just can’t help myself. (See my previous blog and it makes sense why no one is having sex with me.)

If you could be any color crayon out of a new 150 Crayola tower, which color would you be and why?

That’s a really stupid question. Being a crayon would suck. Best case, you get ground into a piece of paper before being broken in half. Worst case, the “special” kid eats you. No thanks! I would not want to be a crayon at all.

How many of these questions are self-written? (Love, Rob)

None, although a few were from the “random question generator” that is built into the formspring app. How dare you question my authenticity? Furthermore, if I were asking my own questions, they’d be MUCH funnier.

How come you don’t update your website?

Because you masturbate.

What is your favorite song, and why?

I could never possibly pick one favorite song. Some songs I like because of the song itself, the arrangement or the performance. Some songs have special meaning to me because they remind me of people, places, or times in my life. That said, if my life had a soundtrack, most of it would be Moxy Früvous, Green Day, Garth Brooks, and Billy Joel. Hows that for eclectic? Oh, wait, you were expecting a funny answer? Ok, MacGregor the Barbuilder by Vinny Bove (as performed by Chuck’s Mom.)

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was chuck’s mom?

All of it. In other news, Chuck’s Mom is so fat that her nickname is DAMN!

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

eleven meters per second.

What would happen if you were in a car doing the speed of light and turned on your headlights?

Since my car has pop-up headlights I’m pretty sure they’d fly off.

Who should Hollywood cast in the role of Doc Savage for the new Doc Savage movie that is in the works?

Bill Goldberg.

What was the worst advice you’ve ever received?

Never turn down a blowjob. Clearly J never thought that one through.

Would you rather be skinny with an ugly face or fat with a pretty face?

Well I’m already fat with an ugly face.

Cats or Dogs?

Gomer is big.

What was your worst travel experience?

On a family vacation, my brother forgot to pack underwear. Without telling me, he just started taking mine. Half-way through the trip I was out of clean underwear. Thanks, Mike.

Who’s the coolest person you know?


Are you a morning or night person?

The last time I saw the sun rise was because I stayed up all night playing BioShock. I guess that makes me a night person.

What’s the cure for exploding head syndrome? Such a cure would really help everyone who has this syndrome!

There is no cure for exploding head syndrome. Your head asplode.

How do you type with boxing gloves on?

Those are my real hands. Douchebag.

What was your favorite TV show as a child?


If you could be on the cover of any magazine, which would you choose?

I’ve already been on the cover of Grassroots Motorsports. That’s enough for me.
Yes, that's really me driving.  No, that's not my Miata, or Kara's, it's Tim Suddard's.

Sneakers or sandals?

Sneakers. Or combat boots.

1 Comments Add Yours ↓

The upper is the most recent comment

  1. TortMom #

    Isn’t “stalking” pierogies in TN illegal? They’re not old enough for that….

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