Today I sat for a few hours with my best friend, the invincible rock star. The guy so talented he never even realized how talented he was. The guy without a selfish bone in his body. The guy who refused to believe he was special, even though he has rabid fans and even an odd stalker or two. The guy who without a second thought I convinced to actually go for it and live his dreams, because I never doubted for a second that he could do it. Today I sat with him and wiped the drool off his face about every 30 seconds. For a few hours.

Now I came to terms quite some time ago with the fact that the world is not fair. This concept gave me a lot of trouble as a teenager and even a young adult, because I first believed that the world *was* fair, then as I realized it wasn’t, I mistakenly believed that it *should be* fair. That gave me all sorts of trouble figuring out my place in the world. I spent a lot of my youth angry at a world that had somehow left me behind, angry at the unfairness of it all. How could the world not work out for me, but everything works out for someone else? How do bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people? I was pretty adrift philosophically until I came to terms with the fact that the world just isn’t fair. It’s a big ugly mess and what you get out of it depends on luck as much as what you put into it. Sometimes slackers are rewarded, and good people get unduly punished. Shit just happens. The more I accepted this, the easier life became to cope with, even when things didn’t always go my way.

This is different.

Who do I blame? Fate? God? How can the world take someone who would do anything for anybody, give him incredible talent, amazing inner-strength to overcome all manner of adversity, let his soar and be loved by everyone he touches, then destroy almost everything he owns with a flood, and then a year later take everything he IS?

I believed that it was God’s will that we met and became friends. I believed that it was God’s will when his would-be girlfriend took a leap of faith after having met him ONCE and moved 700 miles to be closer to him because she knew that he was the one (and he was.) I believed that it was God’s will when I ran out of second chances and he called me out of the blue to offer me a job AND a place to stay while I got my shit back together. It all appeared to be part of a greater plan.

A flood destroying everything we owned didn’t really fit into the plan, but we fought through it together, and we were stronger on the other side. We laughed and said that 2010 was the worst year ever, and 2011 just had to be better. We were wrong.

What plan can this serve? He was the best of us. The man who wouldn’t use swear words, but at the same time would never judge someone else who did. He knew it wasn’t his place to judge, he just loved everyone. Even the people no one else could stand, he would find good in. He would accept people, and always treat them the way he thought they deserved to be treated, which was often better than THEY thought they deserved to be treated. People all over the country thought he was their best friend because there was no one he wouldn’t talk to, and nothing he wouldn’t talk to them about if that’s what they wanted. He had time for everyone. If he had a flaw, it was that he expected TOO much of himself, that he wanted to do MORE good in a day than there was time to do it. So where is the plan? What can this senselessness possibly serve?

Is it to teach us a lesson? What lesson can be worth punishing someone so good, and what evil could we have possibly perpetrated to make this necessary to teach it to us? Someone show me how this makes sense, so I can believe in the plan again, because right now I don’t. Even the pessimistic mantra of “Life’s not fair” doesn’t cover this fucking bullshit, not by a country mile.

It hurts. It hurts every day and it doesn’t get better, and it doesn’t go away. There is no closure, just the hope that he will get better. Because he has to. There is nothing right with the world if he doesn’t. I feel like a functional alchoholic; I’m not ok, I’m not right, but I’m learning to live around it, because I have to. I have no other choice. Until we can laugh and joke and talk about Star Wars and Transformers and go to Dragon*Con my world will not be ok. Its beyond being unfair, this world is BROKEN.

About The Author


the rotten bastard who runs this shithole and theoretically makes with the funny.

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Author his web sitehttp://www.makinshitup.com


10 2011


  1. miguel 12 08 14

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